ABT: Ageless Boy Toy; youthful-looking musician friend from high school who now lives in London England

AG: Average Guy; gregarious man who works at the gym and regularly compliments me in order to increase his manometer tally and get closer to PDDs

AR: Avocado Roll; longtime friend and fun loving historian who has a special fondness for sushi

DAD: Debonairely Anxious Designer; handsome and skilled artist/photographer/designer who created the FFG logos and poster and who is in fact quite a nervous nelly

DI: Dr. Ironcore, FFG’s professorial gym partner in 2016, proves that yoga can make you strong as hell; she accomplishes anything she puts her mind to, inside or outside of the gym.

DYT: Delightful Young Trainer; my former and then re-hired trainer; she is one hot boxing babe

Endora: G-Smash’s cat Muffin, democratically renamed by FFG pollsters, often referred to as Mufftard or Muffalo (update: RIP fluffy Muffalo)

Feminist: person with an active political commitment to expanding opportunities and diminishing restrictions in the lives of all women and men, girls and boys

Figure Competition: female bodybuilding contest that involves developing a muscular physique with wide shoulders, a small waist and defined quads, but requires a ‘softer’ look than more traditional contests, and includes blinged-out bikinis, high heels, and mandatory four-quarter turn poses

Figure Girl: woman who trains for and participates in figure competitions (see above)

Fitbabe: lean figure girl friend who provides constant support, has a bitchin’ lat spread, and now collaborates on this blog by writing ‘Ask a Trainer’ (fitnessgirl2@hotmail.com)

Foetor: superhero creature currently residing inside my body; aka “Meatball,” he is scheduled to make an appearance in late January 2014 (update: my son was born via caesarean section on January 27)

G-Smash: female IFBB Pro heavyweight bodybuilder; first trainer and good friend of mine

GlamPro: always glamourous, always professional professor who gives Joan from Mad Men a run for her money

GP: Guest Poser: a 38-year-old never married and currently single professor/bodybuilder who competes to win

HF: HissyFit; naturally beautiful academic gym friend who pumps iron, rocks a spin bike, and happens to be preggers (update: she now has an adorable baby boy)

Hot Tamale: female friend at gym who is hot and spicy, but not Mexican

LSP: Long Suffering Partner, aka my poker-playing, patient, hilarious, and incredibly hairy man-cakes

MHS: Madame Hands of Steel; my skilled and sympathetic massage therapist

MW: Man Whore; attractive and charming formerly single male friend who worked too many hours to accomplish his whore goals. He is now deliriously in love with DO, aka Dutch Oven, a gorgeous pinball wizardess and evil genius cook

NP: Needlenose Pliers; amazingly competent and ass kicking female professor friend who, as far as I can tell, is capable of anything

Ogre: cat I was formerly fostering; hates children; loves my partner; never works out

PDDs: Phantom Double Ds; fun workout partner who specializes in self-deprecating breast humour and entered her first figure competition in June 2013

PD: Poisoned Donair; engaging man at the gym who once suggested food poisoning as a diet tip

QMR: Queen of My Regime; was my fabulous diet and posing coach

RenMan: Renaissance Man; artsy bodybuilder who dispenses sage advice and occasionally writes guest posts for the FFG blog

SST: Seriously Strong Trainer; another former trainer who is highly qualified, kicks butt and can provide Sports Specific Training

SW: SuperWoman: sexy, strong friend who works multiple jobs as well as being a student and a mom

2DO: Two Days Off;  academic friend with special relaxation skills

Vampira: professional and ambitious academic female friend who nevertheless enjoys a good bloodbath

Vivacious M: belle femme Acadienne, avec qui je parle français (update: maintenant je parle français avec la belle H)