If you follow FFG on Twitter or Facebook then you already know that I passed the practical part of my personal training examination before heading to Toronto last week. My friend SuperWoman (SW) acted as a volunteer, playing the role of a relatively unfit client. The real SW is both muscular—–easily doing 30 tits-to-floor-from-the-toes push ups in a row—and amazing. In addition to working several jobs, she is a part-time student and full-time mom. Plus she is fit and hot to boot. All I can say is: Respect. SW made it easy for me to act as if she was a newbie, running her through a straightforward series of cardio and weight training exercises. I also had to pretend to have the requisite ‘personality type’ for a trainer, which officially means (and this is from the textbook) being knowledgeable, supportive, a model of healthy behaviour, trustworthy, enthusiastic, innovative, patient, sensitive, flexible, and self-aware. While I am many of these things—if I do say so myself—I am far from patient and sensitive. Whether or not I am enthusiastic is up for debate. I am quite passionate about many people and issues, but would have a hard time shouting ‘woo!’ during a revs class, or even yelling ‘Go Girl, you can do it!’ at someone jumping over hurdles or swinging a kettle bell. That’s just not how I roll.
I was instructed to end my mock training session by offering ‘a positive thought to the client to help keep him or her motivated,’ but I couldn’t think of anything. I failed that part. While I am a fundamentally positive person—inheriting the manic but not the depressive elements of my dubious gene pool—I do not dabble in truisms or catch phrases. Nor do I have a mantra. Maybe I could borrow one, or would that give me an inauthentic spirit? [insert donkey-bray laughter here]. ‘First call out, centre stage’ is utterly inapplicable to me, though highly effective for G-Smash this year; she just won her pro card! PDDs’ mantra is more relevant. During a particularly heavy lift she uses her inner voice to chant: ‘don’t fart, don’t fart, don’t fart.’ Did I already mention that she is the greatest work out partner ever?
Is Ogre’s graph fair? I am thinking no. It’s hard being cute all day, so nose biting should be tolerated.
I did give Ogre a 3/5 for nose biting, which seems fair to me. I tolerated her biting my partner’s nose very well.
DAD is still raving about your granola while sitting chipmunk style and simulating eating it. However, I won him over by taking him to the co-op on his first day back and guiding him around the FRESH basil and tomatoes which he became faint at the smell of. Next up we are going to make kale chips and kale pesto pasta. DAD is the perfect platonic life partner.
awwww muffin 🙂 happy kitteh is upside down…prrrrrrr