If you follow FFG on Twitter or Facebook then you already know that I passed the practical part of my personal training examination before heading to Toronto last week. My friend SuperWoman (SW) acted as a volunteer, playing the role of a relatively unfit client. The real SW is both muscular—–easily doing 30 tits-to-floor-from-the-toes push ups in a row—and amazing. In addition to working several jobs, she is a part-time student and full-time mom. Plus she is fit and hot to boot. All I can say is: Respect. SW made it easy for me to act as if she was a newbie, running her through a straightforward series of cardio and weight training exercises. I also had to pretend to have the requisite ‘personality type’ for a trainer, which officially means (and this is from the textbook) being knowledgeable, supportive, a model of healthy behaviour, trustworthy, enthusiastic, innovative, patient, sensitive, flexible, and self-aware. While I am many of these things—if I do say so myself—I am far from patient and sensitive. Whether or not I am enthusiastic is up for debate. I am quite passionate about many people and issues, but would have a hard time shouting ‘woo!’ during a revs class, or even yelling ‘Go Girl, you can do it!’ at someone jumping over hurdles or swinging a kettle bell. That’s just not how I roll.
I was instructed to end my mock training session by offering ‘a positive thought to the client to help keep him or her motivated,’ but I couldn’t think of anything. I failed that part. While I am a fundamentally positive person—inheriting the manic but not the depressive elements of my dubious gene pool—I do not dabble in truisms or catch phrases. Nor do I have a mantra. Maybe I could borrow one, or would that give me an inauthentic spirit? [insert donkey-bray laughter here]. ‘First call out, centre stage’ is utterly inapplicable to me, though highly effective for G-Smash this year; she just won her pro card! PDDs’ mantra is more relevant. During a particularly heavy lift she uses her inner voice to chant: ‘don’t fart, don’t fart, don’t fart.’ Did I already mention that she is the greatest work out partner ever?