Lift and Bitch
We meet every Sunday in the change room, sometimes already wearing our Lululemon ass-lifting pants, sometimes still slightly drunk from the night before. But we are always there: FFG, PDDs, and Fitbabe. Even the Grim Reaper could not keep us away from this refashioned Lift and Bitch, a name that suitably recalls a history of female support and sociability. Instead of helping each other with knitting patterns at a weekly Stitch and Bitch, we strap on gloves to pick up heavy shit at the gym. Then we put it back down. Fitbabe reported that another woman asked her if we were in a ‘bodybuilding club.’ She laughingly responded, ‘Well, kind of.’ I immediately announced ‘We are Fit Chicks, No Dicks,’ a slogan that will soon be printed on our matching tight, sleeveless t-shirts. Picture us lined up in a row in front of the mirror doing hammer curls, or shouting encouragement as we each perform five sets of wide-grip chin-ups. We look fucking great, providing an alluring lady spectacle at the gym. But that is not why we are there: We work hard to get stronger, and the hardest working, best informed participant is Fitbabe. She is a highly qualified personal trainer, and is also the leanest. As for PDDs, she would win the prize for being the most dedicated, having developed her ripped back during the past six months. She always wants to do another set, and never misses a session despite dental surgery, illness, or exhaustion from having had too much fun getting hit on by hot mysterious men at the club the night before. I am arguably the voluptuous one—Fitbabe made me remove my original comment about me being the fattest—and am certainly the noisiest, grunting out ‘O’ sounds as I do my deads. Imagine a milk-fed piglet being squeezed by giant robot hands. Ugh. On the bright side, whoever I am sleeping with can be sure that I am not faking it, because no one would produce such guttural expressions on purpose. What’s that you say? Something about over sharing? Sorry, but I don’t even know what that means. Aside: It is obviously essential for you to know one more thing. My only rule in bed is ‘no laughing.’ [At me, that is.] Back to the communal muscle worship: Along with my slaughter house sound track, there is also a little bitching. After all, both PDDs and Fitbabe are single and looking. I live vicariously through them, offering reassurance. ‘Not all men are deeply troubled weirdos,’ I insist. ‘There are many nice guys out there, who actually want to fuck women, even as they simultaneously like and respect their lady friends.’ ‘It’s true,’ I say uncertainly, staring into their dubious eyes. And now let me offer some sage words of advice to any single straight or bi men who might be reading this post, inviting them to become temporary members of the vagina gang. When interacting with a woman with cute delts at the gym: DO make adorable jokes about how much you are looking forward to eating a creamy-topped Cinnabon after your work out, while flashing a smile and then looking down shyly. Or when a gym-lady-rat innocuously inquires ‘And how are you today?’ DO respond ‘Not bad for an average guy’ because that has just given you an extra twenty points on the manometer. However, after a hot babe declares, ‘Well, it has been pleasant chatting with you. Now I am off to finish my housework and go for a run,’ DO NOT pipe up with ‘Oh good. I plan to fist myself on the couch all day. See you tomorrow.’ Because no you won’t. You have put an image in her head that cannot be easily removed. Save your discussion of manual gymnastics for your steam room buddies! Enough said. There is obviously plenty to be learned at the Lift and Bitch. Sisterhood is powerful. And powerful sisters are the bomb. FFG out. PDDs is now in the house.
I am a 38 yr old professional cubicle dweller by day, student by evening, gym rat by night. In some ways I am like every other girl and in other ways I am not. Can a gal be more ambiguous?!
Athletic – gym, spin class, yoga class, volleyball
I am a great snuggler
I have ninja like reflexes
I have a poor sense of direction, i.e. often forget where I park
I hate camping… I love hiking outdoors but from a very warm 4 star home base 🙂
I lied about having ninja like reflexes… don’t ask me to catch anything breakable
PDDs about Lift and Bitch:
Dubbed with the slogan ‘Fit Chicks, No Dicks’ by FFG, this empowering Sunday ritual brings three former strangers together where we bond by benching and bitching. While our fitness goals may vary, we are all there to make the most of every workout and to challenge ourselves and each other to be the best that we can be. Working out is a form of meditation for me. I can feel waves of stress releasing from my body as I settle in to hammer out reps, pushing my body to the brink of exhaustion and then more, welcoming the energy from the words of encouragement shouted by FFG and Fitbabe. The progress that I have seen over the past few months from our Sunday sessions has been rewarding and motivating, as has the bond we have developed.
In addition to the grueling workout our Sunday sessions provide a great ogling environment, primarily for the man boys at the gym but sometimes for the Lift and Bitch gals as well. My two favs include Ogle Candy #1, aka Sweet Cheeks – This tall mysterious Asian hunk rocks some glorious glutes. Those two cheeks are hypnotizing… BAM! Ogle Candy #2, aka The Jock – This tall caramel skinned man boy is leanly sculpted to perfection. Mounds of rippling muscles prove to be a welcome distraction from the mind numbing pain of multiple supersets.
PDDs about Dating:
I used to want to be with something beautiful and then you date a player and the definitions change. Then I thought being single was better; it really isn’t. So I continue on my quest… searching for chemistry and that elusive someone, to build an amazing future, with me. No crazies… you know who you are.
PDDs thoughts to leave you with:
Sixty Seconds – Author: Unknown
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
XoXo… PDDs (passing the torch to Fitbabe)
Lift and Bitch…the best day of the week!
I am Deanna. (aka Fitbabe) I was quite flattered to be given such a fun name by my good friend and fellow Figure Competitor FFG, who will hopefully take a moment to edit this blog post prior to publishing it! I have been a CSEP-CPT for 10 years. (Certifed Personal Trainer). I have competed in 4 Figure Competitions and plan on competing again once I heal my back and add a little more muscle. I live and breathe physical culture. On most evenings you will find me listening to Heavy Muscle and Superhuman Radio, reading Figure and bodybuilding forums and researching the newest supplements. I am a Human Physiology geek and I don’t give a fuck if you think I am obsessed with training and dieting. I like having some visible abs in the offseason, and I like the veins in my arms. Piss off weak men who judge. Sorry. Uhem. Anyway.
You have heard of “stitch and bitch” I am sure. Ladies getting together to eat chocolate and baked treats while knitting, quilting, or crocheting things. Let me introduce you to Lift and Bitch. Lift and Bitch has quickly become my favourite day of the week. Myself as well as my two fit friends PDDs and FFG meet at the “Iron Asylum” to pick on anywhere between 1 and 3 body parts to build, scuplt, and tear apart while bantering freely about our weekly events and experiences. The conversation has no limits at Lift and Bitch. There is NO holding back….blowjobs, bad kissers, bad food, good food, too much food, bitchy clients, students, or co-workers, bad sleep, injuries, Paris trips, dinner parties, wine, cute boys, fugly boys, who is gay and who is not….oh and bad text message guys. Ok, I guess you now know my relationship status. SINGLE and fabulous right? Yes. The 34 year old in me should feel a little pressure to become a couple, however my current dating record leaves something to be desired. Men do not approach me; well not the men I like anyway! lol
I love Lift and Bitch. We flex and pose after sets, we encourage and cheer each other on, no long rests, no cell phone interruptions, nothing but solid training. You see, all week long I train other people and on my breaks I train myself, alone. In my career I need to be ON all day. I love Lift and Bitch as it gives me a creative outlet to train with women with similar goals.
My motto: GET IT RIGHT, GET IT TIGHT..WE TRAIN HARDER.
Did I mention that my last name is Harder? Quite fitting isn’t it, since I am a personal trainer? Usually I get the comments about how my last name is suitable for a porn star. I always reply “ that is not the type of PERSONAL training services I offer.” Well, that is all for now. I am off to plan our workout for Sunday. The ladies let me do this as I have such a passion for bodybuilding and want to share it with them. I will watch some IFBB pro’s training and get some extra motivation baby! Remember, we are keeping it TIGHT over here…yeah girls!
And now some final words from your host, FFG:
As a bodybuilding historian, I have to say I actually enjoy the single life. The last thing I need in my life is some non-sense. Seriously, from what I can tell, relationships are a big time suck. And, it is rare (translation: never going to happen) that I would find someone who would understand what a national level bodybuilder goes through and what a serious scholar does. So, I just settle for a few connections here and there—no strings attached. I am 37, never married, and have no kids, so I am just not willing to get stuck in the wrong relationship. I have plenty of wonderful female friends, and that is just good enough for me.
I think you have a great attitude AW. Some people worry and obsess about relationships, wasting their lives away! There is so much more to life and friends are the most important thing in the world.
I stumbled across your blog by way of your article on chronicle.com, which I found through the This Recording website. I am already enamoured with your being hotlinked from that site, one of the coolest on the web, and then reading about your experiences and motivations as a smarty pants in nylon tighties makes it all the better. To you and the other steely members of Lift and Bitch, I say go you, go. As a shameless bibliophile and staunch devotee to all things arty, I understand you completely when you talk about the levelling presence, nay, the euphoria of something so raw and real as getting pumped up in the weight room. Despite a lot of cerebral pursuits in the periphery, the gym is my sanctuary. I see that in you, and in L&B, and I feel connected. I would be my great pleasure to run into something like L&B (two-thirds single?! blasphemy!) at my gym here in Toronto, but I am not so lucky. Keep up the good fight, you hotties.
Hey Thanks Nick. BTW, I am regularly in Toronto to visit friends and family (I grew up in London Ont). I’m sure the Lift and Bitch could get there one day!