I don’t usually make new year’s resolutions. Is that because FFG welcomes the future with open arms and mind? Is she a spontaneous, take-life-as-it-comes kind of gal? Fuck no. I am constantly setting goals, making lists, updating my calendar, mapping the most efficient route through the stacks at the Rutherford Library. Continue reading
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A Very Borgia Christmas
Did you notice that my title says Christmas instead of Xmas? I know what you must be wondering. Have I taken Christ into my heart, overwhelmed by all the seasonal joy and what not? The answer, my turkey-and/or-tofurcky-stuffed friends, is yes! Continue reading
The Round and the Furry (aka take that Faulkner)
December Seventeenth, 2011
The sound happens again. I feel warm and stretch forward as it moves beneath me. To my open mouth, it smells like fire. The other one snorts. I begin to cry.
‘Hey sack of shit, are you hungry?’ asks the one who always lays down first. Continue reading
Why I am Perfect
Well, not entirely. You have to admit, though, that I am in many ways the ideal woman for your average straight guy. Have your doubts? No worries, all will be proven with convincing evidence in short order. Continue reading
Have a Holly Jolly Go Fuck Yourself
‘Tis the Season for angry outbursts. If you’ve been to the mall lately, you know what I mean. Just like those harried shoppers, I too am ready to explode. You can’t wait, can you? Oh, I remember how much my discerning readers relished that previous rant in which I shouted into a megaphone about the ‘Gender Police.’ This time I have four things to rage-at-large about, and in fact can barely contain myself. Continue reading
