The “Fat” Female Body (in Pursuit of Happiness)

598443_10151099828966916_1733465844_nI have a confession to make, and then an apology. Lately, I have been more contemplative than pissy. I have been a honey creative writer, not a honey badger. That sucks for you. The good news is that I am building up to a rant. This post is not exactly a full-on rant, and for that I am sorry. My wordpress statistics indicate that you like FFG best when she is angry. So from now on, I will do more to please you. Tossing thoughtfulness aside, I will curse, swear, and fulminate. After all, I can improve. Or can I? Continue reading

Zero Sorry

At 7 a.m. I find my partner snoring on the living room couch, the television’s blue glow reflected in the glasses that he is still wearing. ‘Good afternoon,’ I shout, mimicking the greeting offered by his boss whenever my man is a little late for work (i.e. every day). ‘Oh, I fell asleep out here,’ he mutters needlessly. Continue reading

Honey Badger Ethics

I am not sorry that this blog post is late. I don’t give a shit. I had things to do this weekend. I was hungry so I ate, jumping the line and stealing syrup at the IHOP. I needed pillows, so I went to Ikea, pushing those stiletto baby mamas outta the way to attack giant bins of animal shaped cookie cutters. Only $3.99? Me want! Me suddenly require! Why snail? 

One of these things is not like the others. 

Continue reading

Have a Holly Jolly Go Fuck Yourself

‘Tis the Season for angry outbursts. If you’ve been to the mall lately, you know what I mean. Just like those harried shoppers, I too am ready to explode. You can’t wait, can you? Oh, I remember how much my discerning readers relished that previous rant in which I shouted into a megaphone about the ‘Gender Police.’ This time I have four things to rage-at-large about, and in fact can barely contain myself.  Continue reading