Monkey Balls: Things to Do During Your Midlife Crisis

Will this teal pair bring out my eyes?

Will this teal pair bring out my eyes?

A silver-haired man with thick jowls receives a birthday present from his wife. Ripping the card open he sees its contents and shouts “Gray Power!” He and his wife chuckle as they contemplate the exciting and energized future that lays before them. To celebrate his fifty years, she has given him a gift certificate for monkey balls. Literally. His aging orbs will soon be surgically removed and replaced with a simian sack, guaranteeing beastial virility for years to come. Continue reading

A Tribute to Bagel Heads

‘Wow these bagel heads are geniuses!’ I proclaim, showing the digital photos to my LSP. ‘They are not geniuses,’ he calmly announces. ‘They have saline in their heads.’ ‘Yes, but in the shape of a bagel,’ I protest defensively. Continue reading

Bad Tits

Can tits ever really be bad? The short answer is yes. But I am not going to give you that concise reply. Instead I will blather on about the history of breasts, Freudian theories of desire, and the politics of breast implants, all the while waxing poetic about my own lovely lady lumps. [What again?]. Continue reading