Monkey Balls: Things to Do During Your Midlife Crisis

Will this teal pair bring out my eyes?

Will this teal pair bring out my eyes?

A silver-haired man with thick jowls receives a birthday present from his wife. Ripping the card open he sees its contents and shouts “Gray Power!” He and his wife chuckle as they contemplate the exciting and energized future that lays before them. To celebrate his fifty years, she has given him a gift certificate for monkey balls. Literally. His aging orbs will soon be surgically removed and replaced with a simian sack, guaranteeing beastial virility for years to come. Continue reading

Why I Will Go to the 118th Boston Marathon: Guest Post by a Long Distance Runner

Sasha Mullally describes her love of running, responding to the recent attack on the Boston Marathon.

Sasha Mullally describes her love of running, responding to the recent attack on the Boston Marathon.

I am in my early 40s and had never run before two years ago, but now I have taken to running like a duck takes to water.  I feel I have always been a distance runner; I just didn’t know it. I feel designed for it physically and psychologically. Up until now, I was simply not aware of this part of my “design.” It feels like a mid-life gift of epigenetic proportions. Continue reading

Perfectly Embodied: Guest Post by WhiteFeather Hunter

This work by WhiteFeather (made of animal bones, a beak, feathers, and human hair) hangs above my desk, protecting me from evil.

This work by WhiteFeather (made of animal bones, a beak, feathers, and human hair) hangs above my desk, protecting me from evil.

Introduction by FFG: I met WhiteFeather in Fredericton many years ago, admiring both her innovative art work and fearless personality. We had a lot in common, including a fierce commitment to feminist politics, borne out as we volunteered together to walk women and their families into the Morgentaler Clinic. Most importantly, we were and remain similarly enthralled by all things corporeal, things that others often find disgusting. WhiteFeather is now pursuing an MFA degree and she recently wrote me to describe a crit—when students present work for an audience of teachers and peers—during which she was condemned for using her naked, decorated body in a performance piece. Some viewers argued that her body was too attractive and could only be sexualized when placed on display.  Continue reading

Pregnancy and Engorged Womanhood: Guest Post by HissyFit

One of the most accurate representations of pregnancy I've seen: http://cdn.parenting.kidspot.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/pregnancy_sleep_640x360.jpg

One of the most accurate representations of pregnancy I’ve seen: http://cdn.parenting.kidspot.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/pregnancy_
sleep_640x360.jpg

When  one is 36 years old and pregnant for the first time, the changes that one’s body initiates are shocking. Throughout my adult life I have been in control of my nutritional and fitness regimen – splurging when I wanted to, directing bodily outcomes when specific goals were sought. With pregnancy, however, even my best attempts to control my rapidly expanding flesh are unsuccessful. No matter what I eat or tone, my belly – and my breasts, and my hips, and my veins – are following their own paths, growing larger, more engorged, more alien with each passing day. Continue reading