The competition that I will be entering typically occurs on the June 11-12 weekend. That means it is only 39 weeks away and I had better start getting shit done. It occurs to me that my remaining preparation time is roughly the same length as a full-term pregnancy. Instead of actively transforming an embryo into a fetus into a baby, an amazing thing that women do every day, I will be growing myself some big lats and mudflaps, which I think you will agree is an equally important accomplishment. In order to embody Feminist Figure Girl I must forge ahead with a careful plan, drawing on my genetically determined organizational skills; even my kindergarten teacher noted them in an early report card. I clearly missed my calling. Instead of a fitness-crazed professor, I should be one of those people from Clean Sweep who rushes into your house with plastic bins, throwing your useless crap in the garbage while you stand by in a shocked state, crying your eyes out. ‘Do you really need this inflatable raft for three with paddle?’ Toss. ‘And the coyote carcass in your freezer just has to go.’ Although they might seem absurd, both examples are informed by my banal everyday life, just like the rest of this blog. 

THINGS TO DO BEFORE JUNE 2011 Continue reading →