Zombie Apocalypse Workout

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While I sweat into a hoodie that protects my delicate lady shoulders from the heavy hack squat machine, PDDs announces: ‘I am going to start having nightmares after watching The Walking Dead series that you recommended.’ ‘Raaah!’ I respond, grunting out my last rep. Stepping off the platform, I remark: ‘Oh I am already having them. Last night I dreamt that my neighbour was hanging from a noose inside the communal laundry room. I screamed for help and tried to support his legs, but then I considered that those vulnerable appendages might taste quite delicious, like chicken.’ PDDs nods and continues: ‘I thought it was terrible when the guy who is kind of cute but has a big nose shot that fat guy in the leg, just to save himself. I don’t think I could ever do that, no matter what the situation.’ ‘I would do that,’ I flatly declare, Continue reading →

Zero Sorry

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At 7 a.m. I find my partner snoring on the living room couch, the television’s blue glow reflected in the glasses that he is still wearing. ‘Good afternoon,’ I shout, mimicking the greeting offered by his boss whenever my man is a little late for work (i.e. every day). ‘Oh, I fell asleep out here,’ he mutters needlessly. Continue reading →

Flash Dance Ass Pants: RenMan Writes

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So I had the shittiest, busiest work week ever, texting my special friend RenMan to explain why I would not be making it to the gym that week. Yes, for the first time in about 20 years, I did not train for a full 6 days in a row. And yes it was horrible. So when I told Ren that I was totally stressed out and praying for death to take me, he kindly offered to help. That was a big mistake, for I immediately asked him to write a guest blog. I did so, however, not simply because I was too busy even to bathe— Continue reading →

Extreme Cheerleading

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‘I am an adrenaline junkie,’ proclaims the broad-shouldered man eating Ethiopian food at my dinner party, ‘but I would never wear a squirrel suit!’ I am a little confused. What could be dangerous about a furry outfit, other than the ‘about to come loose’ fan whirring away inside the oversized head? Even I would risk donning a rodenty costume, and I am too afraid to have my ears candled. 

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