Fuck balls! That’s what I shouted during the early evening of Saturday December 31, channeling Deb from Dexter. Let me explain: in October I had entered a short story writing contest. Despite the incredible editing assistance I had received from Julian, RenMan, Bev, and my partner, as 2011 wound to a close, I learned that I did not win first prize. I was officially declared a loser. Fail! News of my defeat spun me into a shame spiral, and I experienced progressive stages of disappointment between 4 and 7 pm on ‘Happy New Year’s Eve,’ including: 1) a temporary loss of the will to live; 2) a general despondency enhanced by listless sighing; 3) a compensation bath; 4) a brief glimmer of hope, quashed immediately by a self-pity relapse; 5) an inspired idea to discover pornography featuring the winner in case I was the runner-up and could claim the prize, just like in the Ms. America contest; 6) a decision to drink and thus to forget.  Continue reading →

I don’t usually make new year’s resolutions. Is that because FFG welcomes the future with open arms and mind? Is she a spontaneous, take-life-as-it-comes kind of gal? Fuck no. I am constantly setting goals, making lists, updating my calendar, mapping the most efficient route through the stacks at the Rutherford Library. Continue reading →

Did you notice that my title says Christmas instead of Xmas? I know what you must be wondering. Have I taken Christ into my heart, overwhelmed by all the seasonal joy and what not? The answer, my turkey-and/or-tofurcky-stuffed friends, is yes!  Continue reading →

December Seventeenth, 2011

The sound happens again. I feel warm and stretch forward as it moves beneath me. To my open mouth, it smells like fire. The other one snorts. I begin to cry.

‘Hey sack of shit, are you hungry?’ asks the one who always lays down first. Continue reading →